Betty

Tonight we had my great aunt Maxine over for dinner and she told us stories about my grandma Betty. My grandma passed away on August 7, 1992. I wasn't even five months old but I always have felt close to her. My grandma had lived a beautiful but hard life. Her mother passed away when she was 12 and Betty grew up a lot faster than most people had to. She lived with her aunt Florence who raised Betty and her three siblings as her own children along with her three children. 

Tonight I got a notebook that has my grandma's handwriting in it. She has the beautiful cursive. 

I don't know where I'm going with this post but I guess I am so blessed I am learning about her and the wonderful people I am blessed to be from. 

I'm going to be frank, this week was very hard for me. My artist's block is back is full swing and I have been overwhelming sad. I feel like I have no idea what I want and I feel alone. Which is "normal" for my age but it's scary. Everyone seems to be happy and going places in my life and I'm still "Good ole' Grace" (girl's camp reference) trying to a get grip on college, religion, and what I want to be. 

Two people who mean a lot to me have moved very far away this year and I'm missing them terribly. (cough cough Brian/Kristina) I said good bye to Kristina and I don't know when I will see her next for the first time in my life. She is my sister and I'm so proud that she had found her place in life and that she is so happy. 

Brian is hard to talk about because he moved so quickly and life has happened so quickly that I don't know where my heart or feelings are. Which is deeply selfish of me because I still miss him more than I am happy for him but one day at a time right? 

and of course I don't how to tell him that so maybe I'll just send him a link to my blog.

Back to Betty. 

Remembering where I come from gives me so much hope. It gives me the strength to realize that I am going places. God loves who I am and He knows how I am feeling even if I can't say it aloud. I am strong and have a wonderful life. This is part of being an "artist". Ruts. frustrations. learning to open your heart to express it. 

I recently watched this the other night because I was feeling in a rut and Katey said it would be good for me to watch it. 
http://www.uarts.edu/neil-gaiman-keynote-address-2012

It's Neil Gaiman (Coraline, Sandman, Stardust etc.) giving a commencement speech and it really has helped me not to want to quit. This is the quote I loved most:
"The moment that you feel that, just possibly, you're walking down the street naked, exposing too much of your heart and your mind and what exists on the inside, showing too much of yourself. That's the moment you may be starting to get it right."
I'm working on this and blogging my life problems is kinda like drawing them out right? I'll get there. 

This is my beautiful Grandma. I will end by saying though I'm in a rut I know I am a part of a great family. I keep hearing my dad saying,

"Remember who you are." inside my head. By remembering that, I know I get through anything.

#sickkidprobz

I think I like making bad hashtags a little too much... and putting z's instead of s's to make things plural.
I have a cold in summer or sinus something. which is something I hate but secretly kinda love.

That sounds bad. I hate feeling dizzy walking up the stairs,I hate mucinex more than anything on this Earth and I hate having to lie on my back to sleep  because I can't breathe. I hate missing church when me and God have felt so close lately, but regardless, I liked being sick today.

Maybe this is part of my "I can't control my life so I might as well be happy about it" phase but I saw the positive side in being sick. Also I'm at that point of the night where you're sick but you feel kinda better but not really and you don't want to go to bed because all the crap in your body will settle in your chest and you'll feel like death when you wake up  #iloverunonsentences #takethatenglish1010

 Why today was unexpectedly good:

I watched movies all day which second to travel is probably my favorite thing to do.
I didn't have to talk to anyone about anything
I was sick so I got to hide from Cleaning Lisa*
I didn't have to put a bra ALL day
nor did I have to do my hair or makeup and didn't shower til 4 pm
I'm working on this awful cartoon I used to draw as a kid for Tadd and it makes me happy.
(The title of this fictional cartoon is TOTALLY TEEN GIRLS in which 12 girls of different horoscope signs fight crime. Watch out it's the next Hunger Games.)
I'm overly emotional which can be bad but also good because everything is Funny.

I forgot where I was going with this.... oh I was going to talk about Say Anything with Ciara but I will wait for that when I'm not like this.

#haveagoodsunday joke. it's technically Monday #happymonday

*Cleaning Lisa- Twice a year Lisa goes on a cleaning rampage and yells at everyone A LOT.

#sexycanI ok I'm really going to stop now.