What is life?

1. I took you completely for granted for 19 years. You forcing me to a watch Aladdin when I was sad because disney movies make everything better, You trading a Mewtwo for a Pikachu, making listen to good music, helping me see that friendship is worth more than we can even grasp. I miss you so much and I couldn't more proud in the man you have become. Your hair looks nice.

2. Truly, I cannot wait until I am 76. You're beautiful, kind and never fail to amaze me. You are golden truly. No matter how lost or scared I am, I can talk to you and my life just instantly get better. You showed me that I need to be a little braver and stand up for myself. We have both been underated for years and together it's made us stronger. I really think though it's our time and that you more than me are going to change the world.Thanks for the Kanye West and making me less white.

3. When you first met me, you thought I was crazy and much like a Disney princess. Since then, not much has changed but we became great friends. You in a way gave me a back bone. I feel without you, Price would have destroyed me instead of made me stronger. You showed what and who was fake and made me fight for something more. You made me a queen of Albion and let my nerdy side come out again.

4. You feel like my sister and I know we don't talk all the time but when we do, it's like time doesn't pass. I love how we can just talk about anything. I miss you and want hang out with you more and be artsy and such.

5. So I was so mad at you, I thought we would never talk again. The hate ruined my summer and then I remembered how maybe there's a reason in everything. If you hadn't walked away for awhile, I might have never been this strong and we might have fallen part for the worst.I love you and I understand you. Plus, we a mountain to watch over, crawdad to catch, corndogz to fry and many more winters to endure.

6. I act crazy around all the time when I'm around you. Seriously, I don't get it. You laugh at everything I say which is probably good? You mean the world to me and I don't just use you for the Diet 7-up or your movies(though those are great things you possess) Thank you for making me feel good about my quirks. You're amazing and I don't think you see that.

7. You're pure joy. I never worry about things when I'm with you. We just go with the day. I love when you tell stories. You're active and love everyone no matter how much of a "weird ass" they may be. Never forget You smell like pine needles, and you have a face like sunshine.

8. Oh my, how I love you. Your giant tiger, you cowboy boots :), and let's not forget your doodles. You're serene this year and you seem so at peace and I love seeing you this way. You're beautiful and strong and love having you in my life. I have this notion that you will make more money than anyone I know because of creative genius not to mention your determination.

9. There are too many things to say to you and yet not enough. Just know you will always be a sister to me and that no matter where you're going these days, our paths will always intertwine and I'll be hur. You will probably plan my wedding so thank you in advance.

10. Right now we are hanging out and you're working hard. That's one thing I notice about you is you work hard. You give more love than you ever take. You are answer to prayers and even if you love your Ke$ha and Beiber we seem to agree on Party Rock Anthem. love you gurl

11. You creep on my tumblr every night and make me feel good about myself. I love you and think some pretty eyes and that we watch too much netflix but it's ok. I'm grateful for you in my life and hope we grow old and say awkward things to the neighbor kids.

12. Hello Musical soulmate. I love being with you. I feel like you understand my post childhood angst with the Pokemon and being a younger sibling from the crew. I only wish I saw you more. :(

Ten memories;

1. Driving home with Raquel from Price after the perfect day painting her van with Nikita and talking about what we want for ourselves.

2. Bear lake with the Bee Stee Boyz sun.friendship.everything summer should be.

3. Singing acoustic "Collide" at Kevin's house with Kenna imtiating Kevin's brother on the wall after Mag. Ryan is asleep on the floor and Amy and I cannot stop laughing at Kenna.

4. Afternoon spent in the city library with Brian discovering too many books to comprehend.

5. Running through the rain with Alysa in New York City, getting soaked to the ankles. The lights glittered.

6. Reading Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince by the poolside wishing that acceptance would have came when I was 11.

7. Girl's camp 2005. Sitting under the stars and believing that I am something more than ordinary. Perfect peace.

8. Night games down Riverbend Dr. Laughter fills the air and the sound of sneakers scuffing the asphalt.

9. First grade morning recess. I am a bird with sky blue feathers and a purple tail. I can do anything in the universe.

10. Watching airplanes land with my dad and brothers. It's sunset and I start first grade the next day.

Nine things about myself;

1. I'm overly nostalgic.

2. I love Sunday and Thursday. I hate Tuesday and Wednesday.

3. I order off the senior and kids menus at Restaurants and Fast food places.

4. My taste in music is mostly based on who I spend time with, without other's influence's I would probably just kick it with my "mom" rock.(James Taylor, Matchbox 20, Train, The Carpenters, Journey etc. etc.)

5.I act like a soccer mom. I carry snacks in my purse, I love to listen to people's problems and love to bake.

6.I recently just got my Driver's License and I drive like a grandma.

7. I love stories.This is why I enjoy movies and reading so much.

8. I feel like I'm transiting into a completely new person from who I was before and it scares the h-e-double hockey stix out of me.

9. Most days, I believe in love. Some days, I just believe in my N64.

Eight ways to win my heart.

1. love the movies.

2. believe in yourself

3. have faith in me.

4. have faith in God

5. open heart

6. dig sweaters

7. don't make feel more awkward than I already do

8. love my family and my chosen family

Seven things that cross my mind a lot:

1. Why did I just say that?

2. "They say I'm cocky, and I say WHAT?"-C-Brack

3. What do I really want out of this?

4. I miss you bro. I have so much to tell you about.

5. Can i just go watch The Office now?

6. Breathe in the flowers, blow out the candle.

7. Where the beep am I going in life?

Six people who mean a lot to me:

1. Lisa

2. Jim

3. Brian

4. Cameron

5. Kacee

6. Lilly

Five things I regret doing (or not doing) in my life:

1. falling for people who never gave me the love and respect I deserved.

2. letting things fall apart with friends.

3. blaming myself

4. taking high school seriously

5. looking down on others

Four things I'm wearing right now:

1. blue tunic

2. ravenclaw shirt

3. black leggings

4. dirty glasses

Three songs that I listen to often:

1. You and I - Lady GaGa

2. Rumour Has It- Adele

3. Call Your Girlfriend - Robyn

Two things I want to do before I die:

1. Visit every National Park in the United States

2. fall in love

One confession:

1. I dig a boy in a sweater ;) (not much changed in a year in this department)

Eight ways to win my heart.

1. embrace my quirks

2. honesty

3.humility

4.confidence

5.is in to star gazing.

6.good sense of humor

7.understands my boundaries

8.believes

Seven things that cross my mind a lot:

1. oooohweoooo I look just like Buddy Holly

2.You are so dumb for reeel! for reel!

3. Hello beautiful stranger

4. I miss my homegirlls and Daniel

5. I seen someone lol Meygen

6. You say I only hear what I want to..

7. Happiness and how I truly feel it at this time in my life.

Six people who mean a lot to me:

1. Lisa

2. Jim

3. Brian

4. Cameron

5. Kacee

6. Lilly

Five things I regret doing (or not doing) in my life:

1. Forgetting who I was

2. watching How to Be

3. drinking too much diet coke

4. Letting myself believe that I was anything less than wonderful

5. Saying cruel things to my mom or any of my family.

Four things I'm wearing right now:

1. CEU stomp shirt

2. red sexy sweat pants

3. chipped nail polish

4. dirty glasses

Three songs that I listen to often:

1. Buddy Holly- Weezer

2. All The Things I've Done- The Killers

3. Firework- Katy Perry

4. Portion for Foxes- Rilo Kiley

5.Closing Time- Semisonic

Two things I want to do before I die:

1. fall in love

2. have a Ferris Buellerday.

One confession:

1. I dig a boy in a sweater ;)

Today, I felt kind of down okay, really down. Despite the beauty this time of year brings, I have lots of sadness, fear, and hate associated with the time between late July and early August. I could make you tragic list of incidents including death, mental illness, heartache, and my personal favorite, the fallout of close friends but I'm not going to inflict that upon you this night. Instead I'm going to tell what you do when reach that time in life that's your low point.
First, you accept that life sucks and you die. My dad has said anytime I complain about something menial and hard I have to do. The truth life is hard and some days we all just want to give up and watch 8 episodes of Grey's Anatomy on Netflix( or your modern hospital drama of choice). Yes life sucks but life is also wonderful. Once you see how bad your life sucks, you see someone else's life and see how bad they have and suddenly, your life is wonderful. You will die so either your life can be wonderful or not.
Once you see that your life is what it is, you can move on to music to deal whatever it is you're dealing with. I found this little band called Dashboard Confessional via Brian Wilson a few years ago and they make feeling bad beautiful. Chris Carrabba isn't soothing to everyone obviously, but find that song or band that makes being sad easier.
This next step is the best I think. Go outside. Breathe fresh air. Go for a hike or just sit in on your porch. One day I sat outside in a summer downpour. Be out of your element. Get off your computer, leave the addicting smart phone (guilty) on the kitchen counter. Just go.
If you still have the blues and can't cope with your life, express it. I think running is a torture device used by Jr. High gym teachers, but I have a friend who runs to relieve stress. To me, writing about something is like running. Expression requires thinking and not thinking at the same time.
The final step is to just move forward always. Personally, it involves prayer, perspective and time. Love no matter how bad it seems. I believe that all our bad times lead to the best of times. They make us strong, realize what we have, and bring self-discovery. Today I may have felt sad but I know that my family is incredible. My niece is the most beautiful child on this Earth. I know I'm that annoying person whose like my family is so great blah blah blah but I really don't care. They care about me and them. Thanks for reading this. I needed to say all this ramble today so there you go.
the better things: