"What do you want?"

Hello! So I realize I was rather... "Sassy" in my last post. If I offended any of the 10 people who read this blog I'm sorry and I meant every word I said.

On to the next one!
I'm trying really hard to write on here at least once a week and since I have yet to obtain a second job this summer, I might actually meet that goal.

Last night I ventured to a far off land called Utah County to visit my dear cousin Rachel. Rachel recently moved down there for school and will be going to UVU in August.

We started off the evening going to see Oz in the dollar theater. The movie was very pretty and a good dollar show. I got to see my homegurl Rachel Weisz who I have idolized since the age of 7 when she was in The Mummy. Zack Braff is also in it who I love. It's worth redboxing. (it that even a word?)

I recently read the book Wizard of Oz in April and have been really thinking about Oz and home and all the things it means to me. The movie is in my top ten favorite movies and I cry every time I watch it. I love the Wizard of Oz  but I won't bore you with a bunch of facts. There is an article about Frank Baum the author of the wizard I enjoyed :)
http://www.smithsonianmag.com/arts-culture/Frank-Baum-the-Man-Behind-the-Curtain.html
Also, Ebert's (R.I.P. <3) review of the movie is beautiful.
http://www.rogerebert.com/reviews/great-movie-the-wizard-of-oz-1939

We then ventured to a duck pond on BYU campus which literally had six different couples surrounding it cuddling watching the ducks splash in the twilight. We threw fries with her roommate and her roommate's friend at Ducks.

I spent the night and we went to her singles ward in Orem this afternoon and I had a wonderful time in Relief Society. I'm not even sure what the lesson was on but to open up the class the teacher asked,
"What do you want?" 
She passed out papers and I wrote:

-caffeine
-to be healthier
-eternal family
-travel
-a 2nd job
-to graduate college
-to an Art teacher
-to be independent
-move out of Murray

Next she asked what does God want for us and read Matthew 10:39
39 He that findeth his life shall lose it: and he that loseth his life for my sake shall find it.

This lesson was an eye opener for me because I feel like I haven't really been putting God in my life plans lately. My list is all about me. I didn't even mention God or my family in it. I didn't say "I want my mom to be happy at her new job." "I want Brian and Sarah to do well in Kentucky." It's all about me. I do what I want when I want with who I want. I'm in my 20's and I'm single and selfish. This lesson today humbled me. God doesn't want me to be this way. He wants me to be kind and think of others. He wants me to be better for the future and not just "right now". I've had a lot of free time lately and it's making me slow down. I take Lucy for walks, I read, I sit outside, and I think. I love this because I'm finally getting to the point where I'm opening up to God more and not fighting with myself so much. I feel another self-realization that is going to make me a better human being. I'm going to try to be a little less selfish this week and ask what God wants for me.

glow duck at the Duck Pond.

Happy Sunday :)

Hi my name is Grace Wilson, I'm Mormon and I love gay people.

Hi my name is Grace Wilson, I'm Mormon and I love gay people.

A few years ago, I would be afraid to say that. I would worry about "offending" someone saying that. Because in that statement alone is a world of turmoil. But I am now a little braver and a lot more assertive so here it goes. ( I am so Peggy from Mad Men right now.. Don't worry I will probably post about Mad Men soon enough and why I love it and why I never shut up about it.)

This is what I assume a lot of people our world think when they hear

"Hi my name is Grace Wilson, I'm Mormon and I love gay people. "

-but you're Mormon? How do you love Gay people? 

-Oh well you're just a Fag Hag. You can't get a boyfriend so you hang out with Gay men hoping one day they'll turn for you.

-you're just saying that because it's what your friends are into and you're an art major and all liberal who is fighting "the man". You're too young to understand. 

Now I'm going to address the following not because I should have to do this but because it's the world we live in that I need to address these things.

-but you're a Mormon? How do you love Gay people?

We as Latter Day Saints are supposed to love everyone. There is no clause that says "everyone but" in the Book of Mormon.
3 Nephi 12:16 states "Therefore let your light so shine before this people, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father who is in heaven."
As saints we need to love our LGBT community. It is our responsibility to LOVE ONE ANOTHER. Show people our good works. We treat everyone with kindness and be respectful if someone doesn't think or feel the way you do.

Oh well you're just a Fag Hag. You can't get a boyfriend so you hang out with Gay men hoping one day they'll turn for you.

When I have heard this over my lifetime, I get so angry. It gets under my skin people think of straight people who have gay friends in this way.
1. FAG is never an okay word to use to describe another human being.
2. Hag infers that women who do spend time with the LGBT community are unattractive. It also makes women sound like they must be attractive to be of worth.
3. I am my own person and when I find the right man for me, it will be my choice. Not because I wasn't good enough or because I hang around Gay people who "scare" straight men away. It will because I decided that someone was the right one for me. I don't want to date or marry a man who is homophobic. I won't do it so if I scare a man away someone because they're not open minded enough to be around someone different from them, I don't want to be with them.
4. I have straight, gay and lesbians friends. I don't make friends based on sexual orientation. My gay guy friends are all very handsome fellas but are closer to brothers or distant attractive second cousins. In other words, they're in the friend zone for life.

-you're just saying that because it's what your friends are into and you're an art major and all liberal who is fighting "the man". You're too young to understand.

If you have ever felt left out in your entire life, you're not too young to understand intolerance. I believe I felt out of place and that I was weird at four so no I'm not too young to understand when someone is judging you. My friends are into treating others right because those are the people I want in my life. It's not a phase I'm going through but a constant determination to be better and treat others with love. It's not easy. I'm not standing here perfect. I've treated people with disrespect but it's the trying that is making a little better.

I really needed to get that out in the world. I'm sorry if I was preachy but it is what I believe. We need to change the way we treat others. So have a lovely Sunday. :)

A few pictures from Pride :)

 Me and the beautiful Cassi Mecham. :) I'm excited for her to come to school up north so we hang!

Tadd got an Iphone 5 and now they're our an assortment of awful pictures of me on Facebook being tired and sweaty.

Some lovely ladies from "Ru Paul's  Drag Race." I have the same ears as Pandora's Boxx on the right.

MARINA + THE DIAMONDS, KATE NASH AND VAMPIRE WEEKEND

Well I was waiting to write this because I WAS supposed to see The Postal Service tonight but...

So I have to wait until July which makes me sad because I just learned Mckenna will be in Georgia at that time. 

But regardless I'm going to cheer myself up by talking about my dreams coming true this month musically. 

MARINA + THE DIAMONDS

I bought this ticket on whim honestly so I could hang out with my friends and be included. I'll admit it. But it was the best 15 dollars I've ever spent on a whim. Marina is not also talented but full of heart and beautiful. She sang a song called Teen Idle http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oiRjvejL5D4 It's so pretty it speaks for itself.

Perks of being 21: free Diet Coke/not standing in huge crowds at concerts at the bar.

Tadd and Marina (Hannah and Kenna are standing over to the side)

KATE NASH

This woman. She is a sassy feminist who I hope to contain all her confidence someday. She made me feel like I could do anything. I've wanted to see her since I was 15 and feel every age inside me happy when she was on stage. I'm so bad at expressing how amazing she was. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EUW2pugyIAw

"You ever had a friend who is a complete dick and you're always defended them saying oh that's the way they are. And then you realize one day, they really are a complete asshole." - Kate Nash I related a lot to this song. 

VAMPIRE WEEKEND 

AHHHHHHH!!!!! I saw them perform on SNL 

http://www.hulu.com/watch/489153 and I never knew how beautiful Ezra was (lead singer). They are wonderful I cried tears of joy when they played Horchata.

It was a wonderful night spent with the lovely Mckenna Schwab 

(curse you blogger for making my pictures look odd shaped.)

Postal Service will come too! I am blessed and am happy I can rant and post about all the music that makes life great. 

Flo-RIDA

I have A LOT to say about this month so I'll pick out a few things and share.. probably in separated posts.

First I went to Florida to see Kristina. Which was wonderful and I will share pictures from but first I'd like to share a one of the those I know what I want moments. I call it the "Buzzlight Year Epiphany"
So if you ever have spent more than 30 seconds with me at any theme park, you will learn that I hate rollercoasters. Not only do I throw up when riding them, but I hate being out of control and they scare in a not fun way like water( Wavepool 2011..)  and earwigs. So while my wonderful friends went to ride Space Mountain at the Magic Kingdom, I saw the line for Buzzlight Year to meet him. Ciara told me if I saw him that she wanted a picture with him. I got in line for it with a three or four families in front of me. Ten minutes went by and the line had barely moved and I realized the family currently visiting Buzz had five wee ones under the age  of ten. Okay I'm thinking I'm too old for this. But no I am in line I must endure. Five more minutes the line has barely moved and I looked behind ten families all lined up. It's 5 pm which means everyone is cranky and ready for dinner stuck in line to make sure their children have that magic moment and then I realize how sad I feel. I am alone in line at Magic Kingdom with no family and in that moment I've never felt more alone in my life. 21 years of proud independence gone to pieces by being surrounded by other families upset in line. I didn't miss my own family, this was different I wanted a family on my own. I wanted more than who I stand alone as a person. Well this feeling scary and new made me awkwardly bolt out of line. So turns out, I do want to be a mom and wife and daughter in law someday. It's sounds strange I've always assumed because that's supposed to happen to me that I would want it someday. The fact that I realized I do want really bad scares me.

I'm sorry Ciara I didn't get a picture with Buzzlight Year

This one got me through the airport security and let me shove my raincoat in his bag when I got scared about my carry on being too big :)

Cassie and Me. In our Ron Jovi tank tops.

the greatest picture on earth.Cameron had to lay across us in the car and as a result Cassie snapped this one. 

Minnie mouse selfie. I would wear those ears everyday if people wouldn't be mean about it..

everything good in the universe. 

Family with matching Cars clothes homemade from North Dakota and yes I was giddy meeting them.

K.R. Representing

The one time I let my friends buy matching tank tops while they were drunk and I wanted to match too.

sisters<333

Sabbath Day

 I have one o' clock church which means my church meets from 1-4 pm. When I was younger in especially in high school this was a blessing. It meant I could do things like go camping with the cousins, hang out until 4 am wake up at 1230 pull on skirt and some mascara and head off to the chapel. Well now I am out of high school, I wake up earlier. I have all this spare time to think of 8000 reasons why I don't feel like going to church before 1 rolls around. It's not about Jesus it's about me. And today, I lost the war with myself. My bed was warm, my parents made breakfast when it's Fast Sunday ,(side note: No one fasts in my house but me because of medication reasons so it seems like we only have a sit down breakfast on fast Sunday . side note to the side note: Fast Sunday is when Mormons fast two meals on the first Sunday of the month) I'm in the middle of season 2 of Mad Men, I don't feel like dealing with the billion questions asked to me about Brian and Sarah moving, Iron Man 3 was disappointing and I'm sulking, etc. etc. I swear this morning going to church felt wrong. So I stayed home.

So I then proceeded to half clean my room and then got bored and cleaned my fish tank. Started to get ready for Florida laundry. Then I went to my friend Tadd's apartment to watch movies and then gave him a ride to the grocery store, then to Chili's and then watched more movies including Hannibal (yep that's me watching Hannibal on the Sabbath) and then drove home.

I got to 700 East and 900 South and I started to talk to God about life and my day (praying in the car out-loud alone is common for me.) and I felt sad. I had my bi-monthly what the beep am I doing with my life breakdown where I evaluate and try to figure out what I want and I realized that I wanted to be at church underneath it all. You see I have a hard time doing/knowing what I want. If you have seen The Office season 3, I suffer from "And don't call me Pammie" syndrome. I'm passive to a fault a lot of the times in life.I usually go with the flow and make others happy because it makes me happy. I used go to church because it made God happy. This worked til I was 18  and I realized making God happy wasn't enough. And then for two and a half years I went on and off trying to figure out what is was wanted, it was today I figured out this is what I want. I want to be at church on Sundays regardless of my sins, the people around and what they want, I want to be at church. and I guess that's what I needed to say today. So that's what I'm going to do is go to church.

life "plans" and pessimist within me dealing with it.

Wrote this two weeks ago: 

So this morning I met with academic adviser and we mapped out the rest of my bachelor's degree.  Because of my program I will graduate when I'm 26 in the year 2018. 2018 as in since high school, I will have been in school since for 8 years. THAT'S seven years at Hogwarts plus one year! Lately I've been thinking a lot about plans.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UOsQ2epsI2M&feature=youtu.be

I was going to write a happy inspiring message about I need to look at the big picture but this sucks. I am trying so hard and feel like this is a slap in the face. I feel like I wasted the last 3 years getting gen. eds done only to be doing this for so long. I hate this. I hate how much I keep thinking about how long I've been in school for. I hate that I'm that insecure to care. I'm scared this will all be for nothing. That I won't have a job when I graduate.

Today :

Life sucks. It's truly awful sometimes. It never makes any sense. Sometimes it takes you 8 years to get your undergrad done. Sometimes people bomb marathons and sink holes eat cities. (I would like to note that me being in school forever compares nothing to what the poor people in our country are dealing with and feel ashamed my first world problem is even next to their real problems.)Sometimes you hate everyone on Trax and their family that they are yelling at on the phone. Sometimes your institute class has a borderline sexist discussion on women and you think of the perfect thing to say an hour after the class is held. ("THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH AN INDEPENDENT DAUGHTER OF GOD AND YOU JUST CONSTRIDICTED YOURSELF SAYING THAT THEY HAVE A BAD ATTITUDE IF THEY DON'T WANT MARRIAGE AND CHILDREN. MAYBE THEY'RE WAITING FOR THE RIGHT MAN AND DON'T WANT TO SETTLE. MAYBE THEY DON'T MARRIAGE AT ALL AND YOU SHOULDN'T CRITICIZE THEM FOR SOMETHING YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND OR RELATE TO.") Sometimes you expose innocent blog readers to your rants on women and marriage. (FOR THE RECORD I DO WANT KIDS AND MARRIAGE BUT I DON'T THINK OF ANYONE LESS THAN ME WHO DOESN'T) One thing I know that gets me through this terrible life because it is terrible sometimes is laughter.  Laughing at yourself.

Laughing at movies 

Laughing with others (not at others, that's bullying and makes you a douche-bag.)

So today instead of being mad or being falsely enthusiastic about life, I'm going to watch Happy Gilmore and pretend that it's not finals week. 

sometimes, I'm a d-bag.

So yesterday,being the great person I am,  I made a mistake and made a mockery of someone else's belief system.  Naturally I was on Tumblr and I typed in the word "Easter" into the search tags bar. Hoping to find a cute picture of bunny and reblog (put a picture on to my Tumblr) it, I found this instead.

Again back to that great person I am and I put this on my Tumblr and underneath it wrote, "Why does this exist?" Thinking I was so funny and clever and thought nothing of it. This morning, I got on Tumblr to find that the person who had originally posted this picture to Tumblr sent me a message. This is what it said

"How ignorant is you to assume that a member of ICP doesn't celebrate Easter?" Instantly I felt terrible. 

I made fun of what someone believes in. No matter how wrong I may find it to be, it is their belief. 

Then my thoughts go to Jesus the Christ. The root of Easter. I think about He died for everyone. How he sacrificed His for me to make choices and forgive again and again when I'm making fun of someone. Or when I'm a complete hypocrite and act like I respect everyone's belief system when I don't. Or when glare at the the lady on Trax who always asks me for money. He puts up with all my crap. More than that, He puts up with everyone's vices. I don't want to be preachy but I will say this. Jesus loves you.  Happy Easter and maybe next year, I'll be a little kinder to others.