Wrote this two weeks ago:
So this morning I met with academic adviser and we mapped out the rest of my bachelor's degree. Because of my program I will graduate when I'm 26 in the year 2018. 2018 as in since high school, I will have been in school since for 8 years. THAT'S seven years at Hogwarts plus one year! Lately I've been thinking a lot about plans.
I was going to write a happy inspiring message about I need to look at the big picture but this sucks. I am trying so hard and feel like this is a slap in the face. I feel like I wasted the last 3 years getting gen. eds done only to be doing this for so long. I hate this. I hate how much I keep thinking about how long I've been in school for. I hate that I'm that insecure to care. I'm scared this will all be for nothing. That I won't have a job when I graduate.
Today :
Life sucks. It's truly awful sometimes. It never makes any sense. Sometimes it takes you 8 years to get your undergrad done. Sometimes people bomb marathons and sink holes eat cities. (I would like to note that me being in school forever compares nothing to what the poor people in our country are dealing with and feel ashamed my first world problem is even next to their real problems.)Sometimes you hate everyone on Trax and their family that they are yelling at on the phone. Sometimes your institute class has a borderline sexist discussion on women and you think of the perfect thing to say an hour after the class is held. ("THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH AN INDEPENDENT DAUGHTER OF GOD AND YOU JUST CONSTRIDICTED YOURSELF SAYING THAT THEY HAVE A BAD ATTITUDE IF THEY DON'T WANT MARRIAGE AND CHILDREN. MAYBE THEY'RE WAITING FOR THE RIGHT MAN AND DON'T WANT TO SETTLE. MAYBE THEY DON'T MARRIAGE AT ALL AND YOU SHOULDN'T CRITICIZE THEM FOR SOMETHING YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND OR RELATE TO.") Sometimes you expose innocent blog readers to your rants on women and marriage. (FOR THE RECORD I DO WANT KIDS AND MARRIAGE BUT I DON'T THINK OF ANYONE LESS THAN ME WHO DOESN'T) One thing I know that gets me through this terrible life because it is terrible sometimes is laughter. Laughing at yourself.
Laughing at movies
Laughing with others (not at others, that's bullying and makes you a douche-bag.)
So today instead of being mad or being falsely enthusiastic about life, I'm going to watch Happy Gilmore and pretend that it's not finals week.
