Sunday, November 23, 2014

When you're leaving home

When you're leaving home,
you see everything for what is it
that all the "I miss you! Why don't we get together anymore?" stop to matter
you want 100 more Taco Time visits with your dad because they don't have taco times where you're moving or Jims
the exhaustion of trying to fix a broken friendship is illuminated in a light colored
you don't deserve this anymore
you get giddy about the thought of seeing your nephew everyday
you feel the deepest grief of only seeing your niece a few times a year
truly your heart is split in ways you didn't foresee
when you're leaving home,
you fear you'll back out of the scariest thing you've done in your life.
you fear you will accept the unacceptable for yourself and just put up with the life you have
you start getting rid of all that stuff you really couldn't live without
everyone should have to go through everything they own and decide if they would ship it somewhere else
when you're leaving home,
you feel the relief of getting a do over
of learning that it's okay that you have been fighting feelings of not belonging for 10 years
you feel happy for yourself
which makes all the bad things about leaving worth it
and yeah you might your words someday
but they'll be your words
your choices
and you might learn what it is you've been looking for