When you're leaving home

When you're leaving home,

you see everything for what is it

that all the "I miss you! Why don't we get together anymore?" stop to matter

you want 100 more Taco Time visits with your dad because they don't have taco times where you're moving or Jims

the exhaustion of trying to fix a broken friendship is illuminated in a light colored

you don't deserve this anymore

you get giddy about the thought of seeing your nephew everyday

you feel the deepest grief of only seeing your niece a few times a year

truly your heart is split in ways you didn't foresee

when you're leaving home,

you fear you'll back out of the scariest thing you've done in your life.

you fear you will accept the unacceptable for yourself and just put up with the life you have

you start getting rid of all that stuff you really couldn't live without

everyone should have to go through everything they own and decide if they would ship it somewhere else

when you're leaving home,

you feel the relief of getting a do over

of learning that it's okay that you have been fighting feelings of not belonging for 10 years

you feel happy for yourself

which makes all the bad things about leaving worth it

and yeah you might your words someday

but they'll be your words

your choices

and you might learn what it is you've been looking for