I've started this post probably five times now.
How do I know where to begin?
I guess it begins a few weeks ago when Shiloh was in town just for a night and we caught up at my house.
I was rambling on about all my problems and then she looked at me point blank, the only way Shiloh can and said something along the lines
"Grace you need to get out of Utah."
It woke up something inside of me. It made put aside all my doubts and fears and apply for the Disney College Program in Florida. Then all of a sudden, I got in and I leave August 11th.
I don't want to sound cliche or not grateful for home, but being in Murray being here hurts. I'm not denying that the U hasn't changed my life and made me inspired because it has. My job is life changing. I love being close to home and watching my niece grow. I love Salt Lake and am an advocate for its beauty.
But.
Being here hurts sometimes. I am sad when I drive down state street and there's layers upon layers of memories that are gone now. Sometimes,when I look into the mountains, I'm reminded of my best friend and cousin and I not being close anymore and how we're not close anymore and how I'll probably never go to Squirrel Mountain again. When I go to church and feel out of place because I am changed but everyone around me is living something that has become a foreign idea to me.Nostalgia is this poison that makes the everyday moments hard. I lose myself in Netflix TV shows and in the cold dark movie theater. I end up depressed watching everyone around find their life and place. I gain five pounds in a winter.
Now I am going to Florida in August for a new adventure and when I get back I'm finishing my degree. I'm ready to get out of here for awhile.The thing is with sadness it's not all rain clouds. There's a renaissance of myself happening. I'm constantly creating. I'm baking, painting, folding,cutting,gluing and working towards something. Art has opened me up to change and its beauty.
I'm ready to have a fun young adulthood instead of being sad, feeling guilty, and things. I'm excited to change and grow and to discover. I know it's not a just change in location that accomplishes this. It's a change in heart. I'm making the changes now. I'm trying to work out. Today, I did an "easy" workout from pinterest. 80 jumping jacks into it, my boobs ached. I'm new to all this. Change, exercise, accepting I don't like my life right now.
"These last three years, I know they've been hard. But it's time to get out of the desert and into the sun, even it's it's alone." - The format. "On Your Porch"
Things I've been making/that bring me joy:
Fruit tarts
Danielle my baking partner in crime
Loren McKay Wilson I'm counting the days until May when I get to meet him
100 objects in 3-D made of straws
The lightening once more of my hair
The view from the Trax platform that make 830 class less terrible
Watching Buffy
My first book for book arts. Take a fortune and leave a fortune. Finally put my cootie catching making skill to use. My idea is to leave a piece of yourself to someone else then gain a piece of another.
Pearspective
Been having fun with acrylic lately
I made a Chinese New Year dragon at work. That's Steve modeling it.
My "soul box"
A ceramic piece I did in 3-D. The cheesiest project I've done
The pink rose is bright and happy blooming outward to represent my extrovert side. The black spike/mountains are my mental illness and the objects represent the things I love still can thrive alongside the dark parts of myself.
Poke'ball- the child in me. the part that holds on to being a kid and never being too old for my game boy color.
Apple- my love and desire of education.
Black-eyed Susan- The love of summer I have and my love for flowers
Piece of Heart- Modeled after Ocarina of Time, it represents all the places I've lived and gone to. I feel I have a piece of my heart there and carry pieces of a place with me wherever I go in life.
The crown- My princess complex and knowing I am valuable and of great worth. I have strength in me to become anything I want to become.
The canvas- you can't see in this picture. It's a little canvas of the mountains. It represents always looking at the world the eyes of an artist
Film canister- my love for film. <3 I just watched Moonrise Kingdom last night finally and it just proves how a great movie can take you places.
CD- the love of music and making mixed CD's and constantly trying to find the perfect playlist.
Utah Jazz- my team. I believe in them always. We will have it someday.
