74 days

In 74 days, I get a do over.. I get a life back I've lost. I get to Don Draper myself without the alcoholism or hiding my identity from my beautiful wife. I'm ecstatic. I'm not overwhelmed or scared. I feel overjoyed. I feel that weird word I never truly understand called peace. Not everyone will understand this decision. Hell, no one understands except probably Kristina. That wanderlust that just increases in our marrow with age. I feel like my truest self in this moment. Especially the sixteen year vulnerable Yellowcard listening side. Every part of me knows this is right. 

In 74 days I am moving to Kentucky.

path to self love

life is a fight.


I used to be a passive person.
a sad dying on the inside lonely person
a year ago, I realized I couldn't live this way anymore.
so thanks to Lexapro and pure will to want to change, I did.

some people have been lost or hurt by this
but
I am growing
I am finding a place to love myself.
I woke up this morning not wanting to get out of bed. Some days I don't want to fight. Today is that day. I wonder if happiness can exist?

I don't the answer to that yet. What I know is that I must fight. I need to congratulate my victories. 
self love is not an easy task. but I need to fight for it.

I make goals. I walk my dog when I would rather stay in. I forgive others. I love God.

it's been one year since I was diagnosed with depression. and a year later, I have built the foundations for the life I want.

even though today is one of those days where I don't to be out of bed,
I am proud of myself.
and that is one of the greatest victories I could ask for.