SLC White Girl Problemz

So I've been home for two weeks from College of Eastern Utah and it sucks. It's not that I don't love my parents but they both work full time and Brian is in freaking Kentucky so I am home alone. a lot. I love the dorms because there are people EVERYWHERE.  I hate it because it's like I could hang out with people if I really put myself out there but I also have this fear that when I move back to Price I'll just miss everyone at home again and then I'll be unhappy there. I feel so odd because it's like once you go somewhere new, everyone thinks it's like you're on vacation and you're exactly the same when you back. And sometimes I wish I was the same as before. I wish I could just be that Grace sometimes but she doesn't exist. I also feel like all I have done for the last year and a half is complain. I hate Price, I hate Murray, I hate summer, I hate winter. Bleh I am American well above poverty level getting an education and yet I whine about my little white girl problems? I used to a very positive person so this odd for me still. I am cynical and cold about things and I miss not being that way. Maybe I never made room to be a pessimist so now it's taking over me. Where is the medium in all of this? Also, I am debating between where I am going to college next fall. It's either Utah State or Southern Utah University. But some days it's the University of Utah. And none of this matters if I can't pass Math 1050. There I go complaining again. Please someone stop me. This really has no point to be written other than the fact I want to read it in a year and laugh at myself.  There's my life this evening. I'm going to listen to some T-Swift.

My Year in Songs

Hello! I know I haven't written on here in forever but here I go.  This Fall semester was so crazy and everywhere. I made a lot of new friends and strengthened some relationships that will determine who I am for the rest if my life. I'm so mixed up with my emotions right now. I'm back from Price for Christmas and I'm ready to go back to school. Yes I just said that. Will I read this in a month and I want to beat myself up right now? Yes. Anyways, while I'm waiting to feel at home again/go to Price, so I'm going to blog.

For the last 3 years, I make a playlist of the year. Every month, I add two songs to the playlist and at the end of the year, I have a mix that means a lot and sums up the year. I want to talk about every song on the playlist and why it's there.

                                                                         2011

January

My Freeze Ray
- Neil Patrick Harris
Dr. Horrible's Sing a long Blog

Mckenna showed me this song and told me it was a "Grace" song. I used to listen to it a lot last January when I would watch Jazz games by myself in my dorm, get on Tumblr  and ignore my suite mates. I was a little bit of an introvert to say the least.

When Will My life Begin
When Will My life Begin(Reprise 2)
- Mandy Moore
Tangled Soundtrack

So Spring semester, I lived with Jessica Booth who was in all my art classes and she loved Tangled. So did my other suitemates who most people would call them "Choir Mormons". They sang all the time including this whole soundtrack. (For some reason, I associate Disney music with Mormon girls. I'm one of those Mormons girls I guess..) I like this because,I feel like I start like fifty different little projects just to have something to do. I want change and sometimes I spend way too long waiting for it to happen. It makes me happy and want to go on an adventure.

February

Must Get Out
-Maroon 5
Songs About Jane

I heard at this McDonald's two or three years ago and then Mae gave me this CD and it was like finding a lost treasure. Again this song involves feelings with Price "This city's made us crazy and we must get out." Every time I hear it, I think about cold winter days when in my drawing studio I just wanted to scream and run out the door because I would be so frustrated with my art.


Long Live
-Taylor Swift
Speak Now

2011 for me, was the year I came out of the Taylor Swift closet. I love her and think she is a wonderful artist. This song to me was about my friends before college and hoped they would never change. Well we all did but it's about holding on to the memories we had.

March

Get it Right
-Glee Cast
Glee: The Music- Vol. 5

This is when Glee wrote original songs and I fell in love with this one. March was a really difficult month for my family. My mom lost her job and I felt like I needed to be at home. In case you didn't notice I hated my first year of college and this song was about that to me. I didn't like my life in high school and I didn't like my life in college. I wanted to "Get it Right". (Yes you can hate me for that corny play on words)

Men in Black
-Will Smith
Because I don't Have a Radio(mixed CD from Dano)

So this is the Theme Song to the Trip to Vegas me and my cousin Dano took to Vegas over Spring Break. The trip had a lot of problems but it's a really good story now. I love Will Smith and this song sums up what me and Dano become when we're together.

April

Slide
-Goo Goo Dolls
Dizzy Up The Girl

I love the 90's almost as much as the 80's. This is just a happy Spring song. There's really nothing more significant than that.

Rumour Has It
-Adele
21

This song is sassy. Adele is the best thing to happen to music in 2011. I like her other pieces that more heartbreaking on the album but in the end, I love the anger of Rumour Has It in getting over someone.

May

Party Rock Anthem
-LMFAO
Party Rock Anthem (feat. Lauren Bennett & GoonRock) - Single

I hate how much I love this song but it's so catchy and the music video kills me. It's  the theme song to those nights when I first got back to Salt Lake for the summer and getting dragged to Frat parties. I would awkwardly people watch while strangers danced to it. I also learned I hate loud parties.

Runaway
-Kanye West & Pusha T
My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy

Thanks to Mckenna Schwab, I found this song. It's hard for me to put into words what it means to me. It reminds me of people who have hurt me in my life but mostly about a lot of mistakes I make as a person. It's to me about all the walls I put towards others. "Never was much of a romantic never could take the intimacy"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fb5BzrDMprM
June

Erase Me
-Kid Cudi & Kanye West
Erase Me (Single Track)

"Man screw it" This song is Cassie Brackus. It's driving around downtown in "Tammy" and laughing.
It's summer 2011.

Giving Up
-Ingrid Michaelson
Be OK

This is my theme song to "I made a mistake and now I'm moving back to Price in August." It's so sad and beautiful. It's throwing me in the towel.

July

Not Like The Movies
-Katy Perry
Teenage Dream

"If the stars don't align, if it doesn't stop time, wait for it." I went to Katy Perry with Miss Stacie Sessions and it was so good and she sang this on a swing and it was wonderful. I love this song about not settling for less than you deserve.

Call Your Girlfriend
-Robyn
Body Talk

Robyn opened for Katy Perry was so amazing to me. She had this weird platinum blonde muffin hair and she danced her six inch platform boots. This song was so sad but upbeat. I'm kind of in love with sad songs.

August

Home
-Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros
Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros

"Home is wherever I'm with you."  I saw this performed at the Twilight Concert Series and the whole crowd was singing along. I think it was only song the crowd knew by Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros but it was a neat moment.

Hometown Glory
-Adele
19

Adele doesn't know it but she actually was writing Salt Lake City in the summertime. I can't formulate a sentence to even describe my love for this song. It's my favorite Adele song.

The Next Ten Minutes
-The Last Five Years Cast
The Last Five Years

This is a drive back up north with Scotty and Lisha. They sang this entire musical and it showed why people love show-tunes so much. Even if you hate musicals I would listen to this soundtrack. It's not just like every other musical. It's human nature and the way we treat people we love sometimes. This song is where the two characters in the story meet up. So far, every song has been song separate at different point in time. But here is where everything connects. I really recommend listening to it.


Enchanted
-Taylor Swift
Speak Now

Yes out of all the songs to choose from in a year, I put two Taylor Swift songs on this mix C.D.  Poor Lisha has heard this way too many times on a drive to McDonalds or through the canyon. I call it my "Princess" song. It makes me feel like I'm seven and fairy tales happen.

October

Love on Top
 Beyoncé
4

This is song is dancing in my dorm room in a sundress alone praying Tadd/Ciara don't walk in and find me there. And praying that Lisha will find me and join in.

5 Years Time
-Noah & The Whale
Peaceful, the World Lays Me Down

A day in Green River, UT with Ciara, Lisha and Tadd. We are driving away into the sunset and the world is at peace. It is impossible to feel unhappy listening to this.

November

Amsterdam
-Coldplay
A Rush Of Blood To The Head

The older I get the more I love November. This song is very November and puts me in  a sweater weather mood.  I may or may not have skipped classone day just to lay and listen to Coldplay.

White Houses
-Vanessa Carlton
White Houses - Single

Kristina used to listen to this last year and I made fun of her for it. Then I found it and listened to the lyrics. It's  everything I feel about this past semester. I love the line "We were all in love and we all got hurt" It's pretty sappy and awful corny but I love this guilty pleasure.

December

We Found Love (feat. Calvin Harris)
-Rihanna
We Found Love (feat. Calvin Harris) - Single

I found love and family in Price which is the definition of a hopeless place. This song is nights like making Tadd and Scotty go to Breaking Dawn and Scotty becoming "Jacob". It's in a cauldron of Hamburger Helper and in watching Jurassic Park for the first time. This song is youth.

30 Days
Nevershoutnever
Diet 7-Up

Whiny, sad and made me like Christmas this year. This is me and Tadd driving around at 5 o' clock in the morning looking at Christmas lights. It's saying goodbye to your friends for Christmas and sharing way too much of yourself in the CEU Newspaper room. ;)

Beautiful

http://www.danoah.com/2011/11/im-christian-unless-youre-gay.html/3/

I just read this and I loved it.

I need to work on this. It's not political I promise.

" I never realize how much I like being home unless I've been somewhere really different for a while. "-Juno Mac Guff

I had the week from hell. It was terrible. I was everything I hated and hated everything around me. I live in Price, America and there is something about living there that you can never explain to others. Your life is like photograph and everyone else is in a motion picture. I'm not here to discuss how much I hate Price because we wouldn't get anywhere. You see when your life becomes a photo, you see all the little details and flaws in a new way. You are able to change and grow. I don't know how to slow down. My good friend Diana laid it on the line.
"Grace, you're a city girl."
 That part of me is never going to change. I love the city. At the same time I know that without the slow pace that my life is at, I wouldn't be finding myself. Home wouldn't be this beautiful. There will come a day where everyone will have to step away and get out of that comfort zone. Maybe you will have to leave to see it. We all have to find a "Price". Something that slows us down, makes us try hard and figure out what we want and how bad we want it. We all need to look at the photo. The film still. Look at what is changing the future of our film. I hate my life sometimes. It's arduous and I lose patience with myself  everyday. Without all of this, the College of Eastern Utah chapter of my life, I would be weak. God gives us strength at our weakest moments. I'm learning that He wants me to grow and struggle. I'm going to win this.

Romans 8: 38-39

 38 For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,

 39 Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to^aseparate us from the ^blove of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Love wins all in the end. Whatever you love, whether it's God, family, Star Wars, let it win. 

11 to 11 -3.0

1. I took you completely for granted for 19 years. You forcing me to a watch Aladdin when I was sad because disney movies make everything better, You trading a Mewtwo for a Pikachu, making listen to good music, helping me see that friendship is worth more than we can even grasp. I miss you so much and I couldn't more proud in the man you have become. Your hair looks nice. 

2. Truly, I cannot wait until I am 76. You're beautiful, kind and never fail to amaze me. You are golden truly. No matter how lost or scared I am, I can talk to you and my life just instantly get better. You showed me that I need to be a  little braver and stand up for myself. We have both been underated for years and together it's made us stronger. I really think though it's our time and that you more than me are going to change the world.Thanks for the Kanye West and making me less white. 

3. When you first met me, you thought I was crazy and much like a Disney princess. Since then, not much has changed but we became great friends. You in a way gave me a back bone. I feel without you, Price would have destroyed me instead of made me stronger. You showed what and who was fake and made me fight for something more. You made me a queen of Albion and let my nerdy side come out again. 

4. You feel like my sister and I know we don't talk all the time but when we do, it's like time doesn't pass. I love how we can just talk about anything. I  miss you and want hang out with you more and be artsy and such.

5. So I was so mad at you, I thought we would never talk again. The hate ruined my summer and then I remembered how maybe there's a reason in everything. If you hadn't walked away for awhile, I might have never been this strong and we might have fallen part for the worst.I love you and I understand you. Plus, we a mountain to watch over, crawdad to catch, corndogz to fry and many more winters to endure. 

6. I act crazy around all the time when I'm around you. Seriously, I don't get it. You laugh at everything I say which is probably good? You mean the world to me and I don't just use you for the Diet 7-up or your movies(though those are great things you possess) Thank you for making me feel good about my quirks. You're amazing and I don't think you see that. 

7.  You're pure joy. I never worry about things when I'm with you. We just go with the day. I love when you tell stories. You're active and love everyone no matter how much of a "weird ass" they may be. Never forget You smell like pine needles, and you have a face like sunshine.

8. Oh my, how I love you. Your giant tiger, you cowboy boots :), and let's not forget your doodles. You're serene this year and you seem so at peace and I love seeing you this way. You're beautiful and strong and love having you in my life. I have this notion that you will make more money than anyone I know because of creative genius not to mention your determination. 

9. There are too many things to say to you and yet not enough. Just know you will always be a sister to me and that no matter where you're going these days, our paths will always intertwine and I'll be hur. You will probably plan my wedding so thank you in advance. 

10.  Right now we are hanging out and you're working hard. That's one thing I notice about you is you work hard. You give more love than you ever take. You are answer to prayers and even if you love your Ke$ha and Beiber we seem to agree on Party Rock Anthem. love you gurl

11.  You creep on my tumblr every night and make me feel good about myself. I love you and think some pretty eyes and that we watch too much netflix but it's ok. I'm grateful for you in my life and hope we grow old and say awkward things to the neighbor kids.

12. Hello Musical soulmate. I love being with you. I feel like you understand my post childhood angst with the Pokemon and being a younger sibling from the crew. I only wish I saw you more. :( 

Ten memories;

1. Driving home with Raquel from Price after the perfect day painting her van with Nikita and talking about what we want for ourselves.

2. Bear lake with the Bee Stee Boyz sun.friendship.everything summer should be. 

3. Singing acoustic "Collide" at Kevin's house with Kenna imtiating Kevin's brother on the wall after Mag. Ryan is asleep on the floor and Amy and I cannot stop laughing at Kenna.

4. Afternoon spent in the city library with Brian discovering too many books to comprehend.

5. Running through the rain with Alysa in New York City, getting soaked to the ankles. The lights glittered.

6.  Reading Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince by the poolside wishing that acceptance would have came when I was 11.

7.  Girl's camp 2005. Sitting under the stars and believing that I am something more than ordinary. Perfect peace.

8. Night games down Riverbend Dr. Laughter fills the air and the sound of sneakers scuffing the asphalt.

9.  First grade morning recess. I am a bird with sky blue feathers and a purple tail. I can do anything in the universe.

10. Watching airplanes land with my dad and brothers. It's sunset and I start first grade the next day.

Nine things about myself;

1. I'm overly nostalgic. 

2. I love Sunday and Thursday. I hate Tuesday and Wednesday. 

3.  I order off the senior and kids menus at Restaurants and Fast food places. 

4. My taste in music is mostly based on who I spend time with, without other's influence's I would probably just kick it with my "mom" rock.(James Taylor, Matchbox 20, Train, The Carpenters, Journey etc. etc.)

5.I act like a soccer mom. I carry snacks in my purse, I love to listen to people's problems and love to bake.

6.I recently just got my Driver's License and I drive like a grandma.

7.  I love stories.This is why I enjoy movies and reading so much. 

8. I feel like I'm transiting into a completely new person from who I was before and it scares the h-e-double hockey stix out of me.

9.  Most days, I believe in love. Some days, I just believe in my N64.

Eight ways to win my heart.

1. love the movies.

2. believe in yourself

3. have faith in me.

4.  have faith in God

5. open heart 

6. dig sweaters

7. don't make feel more awkward than I already do

8. love my family and my chosen family

Seven things that cross my mind a lot:

1. Why did I just say that?

2. "They say I'm cocky, and I say WHAT?"-C-Brack

3. What do I really want out of this?

4.  I miss you bro. I have so much to tell you about. 

5. Can i just go watch The Office now?

6.  Breathe in the flowers, blow out the candle.

7. Where the beep am I going in life?

Six people who mean a lot to me:

1. Lisa

2. Jim

3. Brian

4. Cameron

5. Kacee

6. Lilly

Five things I regret doing (or not doing) in my life:

1. falling for people who never gave me the love and respect I deserved.

2. letting things fall apart with friends.

3. blaming myself 

4. taking high school seriously 

5. looking down on others

Four things I'm wearing right now:

1. blue tunic

2. ravenclaw shirt

3. black leggings

4. dirty glasses

Three songs that I listen to often:

1. You and I - Lady GaGa

2.  Rumour Has It- Adele

3. Call Your Girlfriend - Robyn

Two things I want to do before I die:

1.  Visit every National Park in the United States

2. fall in love

One confession:

1. I dig a boy in a sweater ;) (not much changed in a year in this department)

9. 

4.

5

6.

7.

8.

9. 

Eight ways to win my heart.

1. embrace my quirks

2. honesty

3.humility

4.confidence

5.is in to star gazing.

6.good sense of humor

7.understands my boundaries

8.believes

Seven things that cross my mind a lot:

1. oooohweoooo I look just like Buddy Holly

2.You are so dumb for reeel! for reel!

3. Hello beautiful stranger

4. I miss my homegirlls and Daniel

5. I seen someone lol Meygen

6. You say I only hear what I want to..

7. Happiness and how I truly feel it at this time in my life.

Six people who mean a lot to me:

1. Lisa

2. Jim

3. Brian

4. Cameron

5. Kacee

6. Lilly

Five things I regret doing (or not doing) in my life:

1. Forgetting who I was

2. watching How to Be

3. drinking too much diet coke

4. Letting myself believe that  I was anything less than wonderful

5. Saying cruel things to my mom or any of my family.

Four things I'm wearing right now:

1. CEU stomp shirt

2. red sexy sweat pants

3. chipped nail polish

4. dirty glasses

Three songs that I listen to often:

1. Buddy Holly- Weezer

2. All The Things I've Done- The Killers

3. Firework- Katy Perry

4. Portion for Foxes- Rilo Kiley

5.Closing Time- Semisonic

Two things I want to do before I die:

1. fall in love

2. have a Ferris Buellerday.

One confession:

1. I dig a boy in a sweater ;)