Going mental

"Mental" my favorite word Ron says in Harry Potter is the word I would use to describe the mess that is my life.  I mentioned last blog that I have anxiety problems for the last month or so I've been working it out. The thing is that you don't really just work it out. It's not a kink in the neck. But chronic. It doesn't leave because you want to go to a party or concert. You can't  ignore it in a crowded church meeting. Being aware of it is a daily battle. This last week, it felt like I was often losing. It's like I used all my energy trying so hard to battle my mental problems. Being cheerful. Filling out the stupid psych evaluation chart at the doctors office right. It didn't occur to me until today that this is real and that it's ok. Its ok to cry every week ( I'm not a cryer I used to go 3 to 4 months without tears) and say No to things.  It's ok to be over sensitive right now because I feel broken. It's ok to pray and question everyday to God because there's a lot I need to work out. It's also ok to laugh and dance and be silly and sing Hey Ya at Karaoke. It's  ok to feel so much joy from  a book you want the world to read (LOTR!!!) it's ok to finally be drawing  and feeling good  about my art and where it is going. It's ok to be hella awkward because you don't know how to address a large group of people or you feel you can be open because  you feel irrational stress around them. It's  ok to watch 7 hours of Grey's because you're behind. Most importantly, it's ok to be mental. I want people to know that. Every has things to work though and mine just happen to be in my head.