I want to tell you in one of the many moments she taught me.
A week ago, I was having a bad day. I woke up and the world just felt like the world was crashing in and on top of me. I went to training for Disney, thinking everything would be fine just nerves. The nerves I had been repressing for a week and a half now we're bubbling to the surface. I spent the day in beautiful Epcot. Yet I couldn't get happy as pharell would put it. I got to my apartment and figured I was just tired. Well I wake up and I feel worse. I am alone and the Apartment is empty. It's the first time I've been alone with myself in probably 14 days. And suddenly I can't hide it anymore. My stress of movinG, the fucking Florida humidity, the fact that I can't get a grip on my reality. Why am I not happy? This was the right choice. This is what I chose. My money is spent. My pictures are hung on the wall. Did I mention I've been too stressed to eat? And everything I do eat goes straight through me. I force a Marie calendars pot pie in my mouth and it takes everything in me not to throw up. I put in silver linings playbook which always makes me feel better when I'm sad and then I start crying right when when he is outside the movie theater on Halloween because I realize that's how out of control I feel. I pause the movie, and to my surprise I call to I tell my parents I want to come home. Because I can't live this way. This stress. This anxiety. This depressive nightmare inside of me.
I know, you're like wow grace how does your mental illness and you falling apart have Anything to do with Kristina?
Well an hour later I'm in her car and I tell I'm not staying. And being the fool that I am, I thought she's going to try to make me stay. She's going to be disappointed I didn't even make it a month here. In the kindness In her heart, she tells me I need to take care of myself. At this moment I had what felt like a million voices inside me telling I'm weak I'm nothing I'm a quitter. You can't even handle Disneyworld. In one sentence she shut them up. Kristina silenced my demons. She let me cry which since the 7th grade has never happened in front of her.
As I lay in Kentucky a week later, I think how much I need to learn in this world. Especially in taking care of myself. I am grateful for all the people into life. But today, on the Great birthday of Shania Twain I am thankful for a slytherin sister who is always there even when I'm not all there myself. I love you Kristina and hope you have a wonderful day.
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