Sabbath Day

 I have one o' clock church which means my church meets from 1-4 pm. When I was younger in especially in high school this was a blessing. It meant I could do things like go camping with the cousins, hang out until 4 am wake up at 1230 pull on skirt and some mascara and head off to the chapel. Well now I am out of high school, I wake up earlier. I have all this spare time to think of 8000 reasons why I don't feel like going to church before 1 rolls around. It's not about Jesus it's about me. And today, I lost the war with myself. My bed was warm, my parents made breakfast when it's Fast Sunday ,(side note: No one fasts in my house but me because of medication reasons so it seems like we only have a sit down breakfast on fast Sunday . side note to the side note: Fast Sunday is when Mormons fast two meals on the first Sunday of the month) I'm in the middle of season 2 of Mad Men, I don't feel like dealing with the billion questions asked to me about Brian and Sarah moving, Iron Man 3 was disappointing and I'm sulking, etc. etc. I swear this morning going to church felt wrong. So I stayed home.

So I then proceeded to half clean my room and then got bored and cleaned my fish tank. Started to get ready for Florida laundry. Then I went to my friend Tadd's apartment to watch movies and then gave him a ride to the grocery store, then to Chili's and then watched more movies including Hannibal (yep that's me watching Hannibal on the Sabbath) and then drove home.

I got to 700 East and 900 South and I started to talk to God about life and my day (praying in the car out-loud alone is common for me.) and I felt sad. I had my bi-monthly what the beep am I doing with my life breakdown where I evaluate and try to figure out what I want and I realized that I wanted to be at church underneath it all. You see I have a hard time doing/knowing what I want. If you have seen The Office season 3, I suffer from "And don't call me Pammie" syndrome. I'm passive to a fault a lot of the times in life.I usually go with the flow and make others happy because it makes me happy. I used go to church because it made God happy. This worked til I was 18  and I realized making God happy wasn't enough. And then for two and a half years I went on and off trying to figure out what is was wanted, it was today I figured out this is what I want. I want to be at church on Sundays regardless of my sins, the people around and what they want, I want to be at church. and I guess that's what I needed to say today. So that's what I'm going to do is go to church.